Simply Laloo

Read this piece somewhere. I was ROFL after reading!

You would probably remember that there were elections in Bihar last year. And canvassing was happening just around the time when the preparations for budget would have started ideally.

Some Reporter: Sir, Railway budget is around the corner. And you are here canvassing in Bihar?!?

Laloo: Arrey, Dictason dhe chuke hoon. Kaafi log us par kaam kar rahe hain.

The seriousness of the question would have been blown away by this beauty of a reply!

Ennaatha Solvenungo!

Television advertisements were taken to a new level by companies like Fevicol, Hutch, Happy Dent, Indica etc., with some absolute beauties spawned by the heights of creativity. Especially the one in which a mother makes her son sit on a Fevicol tin to stop him from moving around in the work place - thats a classic! The sight of the little pug in the Hutch Ad brings about a smile instantly.

These apart, there are others especially in vernacular channels that are providing a new dimension. The moment these ads appear, there would ideally be two choices - you burst out laughing for no reason or you would feel like banging yourself.A Sample here...

1) Rusk Ad - saw this on Sun music. A boy would be eating rusk and a girl would snatch it.

Boy : en russkku

Girl: busskku!

2) Some health related ad - appears quite frequentlyA group of kids would try to bully a friend of theirs and he would retort back easily.

the kids: muthu, unakku eppdi da ivlo sathu

For more such "arivu poorvamaana" ads, watch all vernacular channels esp sun music. These ads do the talking almost round the clock. Probably these ads would have been inspired by famous comedians of tamil cinema viz., TR, gabtun etc., Bringing in "adukku mozhi" would interest kids atleast - appdinu nenachiruppangalo!

Enna koduma Saravanan ithu!

At Laaaaaaaast...

A very very special weekend in recent times... Quite a few things made the weekend memorable but one Mr.X made it absolutely special!

The kick off was with our company's Annual day on Friday - one of the most wonderful evenings i've spent. These occasions are indeed a great forum to meet people and have your dose of fun. Meeting people whom we haven't met for more than six months is certainly a great feel. And after that if people like Kadri Gopalnath, Srinivas, Anuradha Sriram and Shobana mesmerize you to their tunes, you just can't ask for anything better. A slightly different perspective would certainly help us imbibe a lot of positives on the career front as well. This evening would stay in my heart for a long long time.

Next was Michael magic in Bahrain. The new qualifying rules are good and it was pure Michael magic. And Ferrari does make Felipe Massa look awesome. Ferrari is back.

Now, the special one.... Guess what is it?? One Mr.X of a katchi (adimatta thondar pa) came at around 6.30PM and showed me the voter list and boy! my name was atlaaaaaaaast included in the list. Now, after being forced to miss exercising my franchise for 4 elections in a row over 5 years simply because of inefficient funtioning of the concerned officials, this news certainly made me jump over the moon and so should I be!

And to top this, my close friend has returned from abroad... A great weekend indeed :-)

Googly for Google?

At last a competitor for Google?? Here comes previewSeek, a super search engine that uses Bayesian statistical data mining, word-sense disambiguation, cognitive visualization theory, heterogeneous database querying technologies, and behavioral psychology all made possible by 20+ yrs of research into AI. Well, thats what the developers in UK have to say about this -> About Previewseek

Aha! Getting toooooo technical isn’t it?. Namma cosmic energy coupled with atomic energy thaan nyabagathukku varuthu :-).

Previewseek categorizes search results by relevance. I did a search on Mainframe and boy, I had results categorized beautifully on the left, into Computers, Systems, Technology, COBOL, Users, H/w, Downloads and many more. So if I need something about the latest info on Z/OS, I would just click Technology and look further. Sounds cool isnt it? Thats AI for you. If you would like info on Java, here we go. Java as coffee, the programming language, as the Indonesian island etc., That would perhaps make previewseek, once launched, a cut above the rest. Yes yes, its still a beta version.

And once you get the search results, there is a micro screenshot of each search result. Hmm... So looks like these guys are all set to give Google a run for its money. Lets wait and watch. After all, this healthy competition is going to make life absolutely easy for mankind. :-)

Check it out… Previewseek

Captain "Karunguly"

One word to describle the axing of a "batting alrounder" - Rubbish (read it the way Geoff Boycott pronounces it..summa thaan...just for a punch). Including a player as "batting alrounder" itself was "dubaakoor velai". The term "batting alrounder" reminds me of "Deferred Live" made famous by whoelse?? DD! Still better was "deferred live ka seedha prasaran" during 2002 football WC ;-)

Captain "Karunguly" as he is affectionately called by Lollu Brothers has just played 2 good innings and saved nearly 10 runs while fielding at mid-on. No marks to anyone saying hez been made a victim of board politics. This is not the way you treat a player, leave alone the tag-lines "most successful captain" or whatever.

Hey guys.. come on... India is a happening place. Batting alrounder being replaced by a batsman at the expense of one Mr.Zaheer Khan who has been just outstanding in Ranji Trophy, captain "Karunguly" getting a place in test team while the shorter version of the game is his stronghold, retaining winning combination for one-day games while disturbing the winning combination for the test matches..... it all happens... only in India courtesy dirty administrators, or rather, a bunch of jokers belonging to a body called BCCI.

As Calcutta went berserk burning effigies of More and slapping it with sticks and slippers while it was burning, I could only say "podra.. nalla pottu medhi da avana". I feel sorry for you Sourav. But I am happy you were removed rather than being made to carry drinks. Dada, pls comeback with a bang. My prayers for that

The selectors are real puppets, rather "Rubber Stamps" - what a wonderful term Navjot Sidhu has coined for the underachieved (they say they get only TA), degenerated losers! The reason they have given for his exclusion - height of stupidity.

I will finish with the Quote of the day.

"There are two things that are abundant in this world. Hydrogen and Stupidity. Unless somebody utters something stupid, the world is a very dull place to live in" - Navjot Sidhu

Hall of Shame

The topic name... is the term I would prefer to use to refer to our parliament. I feel really bad, rather ashamed to say this, but not many would disagree with me after the sensational expose of 11 shameless losers accepting money to ask questions in Parl. What else have these morons been elected for? And these guys have not yet been expelled or even suspended... Thats the state of India. Oopssss... we are the losers for having voted these guys to power. Ha ha... my name has never been in the voter list!

A Fearsome Ride to Office!

Oct 27th:
The bus I was in was searching for the road in the Medavakkam-Sholinganallur segment while it was pouring down cats and dogs. A mini stream was running down south across the road. Even heavy vehicles could feel the pressure of water pushing the vehicle sideways. If anyone would have driven, or rather had the guts to drive thru the road that day, the driving logic would be simple; Spot for two electric poles, yes u got the road; its inbetween the two poles! Such was the condition of the road.

I was seated right behind the driver and what else I could ask for? It was just fearsome. The bus would tilt about 30-40 degrees when it crosses a pothole. Imagine the driver's mindset with people inside the bus making noises out of fear. Its simply the skill and guts of an unsung hero that carried us thru the stretch not only on that day but for quite sometime after rains battered the road crazy.

Intha mazhaikke Chennai naari pochu. What would have happened had Chennai had a Bombay kinda rain?!?

This is certianly one of the rides of my lifetime, but nothing to match the one downhill in Tirupathi courtesy Girish and co. Man, those guys are crazy. I still feel a bit for having missed the ride uphill though walking uphill to Tirumala was a pleasure and adventure in itself... :-)

Lollu...

Looking back at the week

Monday
Jujupi Remix on Vijay TV: 9.25PM - "Aararai Kodi pergalil oruvan, adiyen tamizhan naan ungal nanban" starring Ramarajan. Song starts... Ramarajan walks out with all the Gambheeram and punches some 10 guys standing in a line (ultimate).

"adiyen tamizhan naan ungal nanban" - A cow slowly emerges out of Ramarajan's heart (classy.. pucca graphics)

"Neengal illamal naan ingu illai" - Ramarajan shown with two cows on either side

This was followed by a mix of scenes from various movies of Ramarajan very appropriate for the lyrics of the song. Some time back, "Kadhal yaanai varugira REMO" was remixed with a MGR hit. It was just fabulous.

Truly, the guys at Vijay TV fill the void left by the absence of Captain and Ramarajan movies and of late Sarath Kumar movies with some well directed jibes. Hats off to Jujupi TV and Lollu Sabha

Wednesday
AIR FM Gold: 9.45PM - Its raining crazy all over the place, no power.

Announcer: Anavasiyamaga yaarum veettai vittu veliye sellatheergal (aamam pozhuthu polanu road la kurukkaiyum nedukkaiyum poittu vandhundrukkom...)

AIR FM Gold: 10.15PM - Same Situation

Announcer: Min saadhanangalai ubayogippathai thavirkkavum (vennai... current-e illai eppdi da min saadhanatha use panna mudiyum?)

Thursday 7.45PM - India has thumped its way past SL. My friend calling...

I : sollu da...

He: Paathiya, thala pinnittaaru

I : samma patta da.. chaancey illa

He: Ganguly veetla ore sandayaam da

I : Enna da achu? endha channel la sonnan?

He: Athellam illa, summa thaan... oru imaginary conversation

       Ganguly (to his family): Naan illama ivlo nalla adaranungale paavinga

       Family (to Ganguly) : Naaye nee illathathu naala thaan da nalla adranunga...Vaaya vecha mavana avlathan

I : Ada paavigala...

Yet another Ganguly joke. People wanting more Ganguly jokes, listen to Hello Chennai during cricket season.

First "Second Show"

Saturday 22nd October, Sathyam, 10.15 PM, Ghajini - Never been to a night show before and it was raining - of course not because I have ventured out to a second show. It was a great evening with my two cousins and my brother-in-law. I thought Sathyam was one place where I did not get any bulbs but one of my cousins ensured I got one there. She made us carry Lays and Apple Juice to the theater while calling my other cousin and myself "Rules Ramanujam" when we said "Outside food not allowed inside" in chorus.

Next...

Car Parking -> Enter Sathyam (I was carrying all that we bought)

One Sathyam Employee : Sir, Cover-la enna? (She took out all that was in) Sir, ithellam eduthuttu pogapdathu (A cold stare down back... adi paavi bulb vaanga vechuttiye!)

No words uttered. We came out, emptied the juice and one packet of Lays, chided my cousin, gave the remaining packets to the counter and went inside for the movie. Audience la lots of thaatha paattis with family and people straight from their offices. I made a frantic lookout for some of my colleagues but yaarum varala. Perhaps they prefer only early morning special shows as it happened to be when I watched Chandramukhi at 8 with Pondy and Gilma - full of IT makkal.

I liked the film. Pradeep Singh Rawat - very villainy, Surya - very good show, Asin - brilliant. But the nemesis apart from Nayanthara were the numerous textile ads that came out in their full lengthy version before the start and during half-time - "Mokkai" at its best

1.45 AM on October 23rd - movie ends. The rain had stopped by then but samma water logging. Collected back the Lays packets and reached home safe at 2. Full of fun, a great evening to remember.

An IT connection to the Ganguly-Chappell Spat

A sudden thought today about the Ganguly - Chappell spat worked upon in my mind into a familiar happening in an IT company - a typical production support call! This is what happens in a support project. A well conceived product with prodigious amount of design and coding effort goes into production. Once there, if there are any issues, there would be a call and a fix is to be put in within the SLA. Depending on the enormity of the problem, a ticket would be raised with appropriate severity (usually 1 through 4, 1 being the highest). The job would be worked upon and restarted and the trail would resume. Something similar happened in this recent ignominy to Indian cricket.

Shastri, Gavaskar and Co. in their endeavor scheduled a very good Batch Trail (that’s basically the system, all jobs, critical in their own respect, were well scheduled – a very good coach in the interest of Indian cricket). The Initiators were all set and it kicked off in the Emerald Isle. Teething problems unmindful, it pulled itself along until a mainline driver program (Ganguly) caused an outage despite a successful, albeit laborious run. The root cause of the malfunction was reported to the System Administrators who in the meantime were busy themselves in finding out who the real administrator was. The admins in the melee got themselves lost and in the meanwhile helped the report programs (Media) scheduled in the trail to be triggered in Express mode (that’s the jobs running with more CPU resources - the leak'o'mania).

A severity 1 ticket was raised amidst fear of losing the project and the programmers had their task cut out (that was the emergency meeting). But the managers simply had the job marked complete and the batch trail resumed. The cause for more CPU utilization after the job failure is not being considered at the moment (:-)). The impact analysis of the problem could be done only in the long run. What could be the result? A system crash?!?

Tamizh Murasu - Nachunu Illai

As I alighted from M21 this evening, I happened to see "Tamizh Murasu" hanging from a clip in a tea kadai. I thought of buying it to see if it indeed contains news and if it was atleast half worth the hype created by the ads.

The first page had a huge picture of the lightning that struck yesterday night in Chennai. Then there was some other news in which the headline covered half the page and 60% of the article continued in page 2. There was very little "NEWS" that was not biased. The center page had pictures of couples taken at Gandhi Mandapam (remba mukkiyam). Gossips filled up 3 more pages. Last page as expected had a picture of some heroine i guess.

Perhaps they know they cant do good business with what the newspaper was being filled up with. So you get something free. Today it was a face wash sachet. Namma makkal thaan freeya kodutha yetha venaalum vaanguvaangale. The tabloid format is definitely a plus but they cant sustain anything with the stuff thats inside. They must do much more to overtake Malai Murasu and a couple of other papers that have had a name as good evening papers.

"Tamizh Murasu - Nachunu illai, sappaya irukku!"

An Interesting(?) Difference

Tennis lovers all over India including a few in Singara Chennai would have treated themselves to the US open last week. Agassi showed age is not a factor and played incredible tennis that made FedEx emote (he rarely does that) after winning and so did Shane Warne across the Atlantic; ironically both in losing causes. Amidst the tennis action, I observed something entirely out of context. It’s the "Ball Boys and girls in action" at the US Open. Not sure how many of you noticed the ball being hurled 78 feet across the net - A huge contrast to what happens elsewhere.

Take Wimbledon – it’s a neat roll of the ball nice and straight over the grass. If the ball was to be passed to the other end, it would be in two steps - first to the guy at the net and then from there to the other end, always rolled over the grass. Imperially British. The Queen would have a word with some of these guys during the presentation ceremony on the second weekend. Any other place, you would find something like this only.

But not at New York! Here it is just a huge hurl across the net. I was obviously surprised at this action having watched Wimbledon only a month and a half before. When a player gets the ball, it’s a one bounce whip to them after a mere wait with the ball in the hand that's half raised. Characteristically American. Back in London, it would be a wait with a hand up, and after the player's ack, a neat one bounce pass. What a contrast!

Great Grand Slams, Great tradition, a petty difference :-)

Vaazhkaiye alai pole... Naamellam Java/Cobol melae!

Having been in the IT industry for more than a year now, hundreds of funny forwards have come through about the industry at large. However I was in for a live demo of one such forward last week in a meeting. It was friday evening and nothing would irritate anyone more than a meeting. I've read forwards about the long discussions where people end up deciding nothing after digging up crap and finally, a round of mud slinging. The actual issue would have been forgotten in the melee! For me it happened such a way that a simple decision that the team members took in the morning was blown up into a lengthy discussion. Of course we ended up at the very same simple decision. No mud slinging was reported by anyone. Hail IT!

So funny that once when the lead laughed for a joke (of course crap only) everybody would burst into laughter spotting a great chance to release the ha ha ha-s that had been concealed until then. Life in IT will indeed be boring without these comedy times. But there are things going on that are downright bad. This is what that makes one repent for the decision he/she has made to join this industry.

For example: Its the arrival of a new project. The difficulties faced by the team in using a technology/language unheard of till then will be conveyed higher up the ladder with so much Additive White Gaussian Noise (Figure of Merit is a big ZERO) that the manager will end up reporting the company's pioneering experience in the same technology/language to the clients!! Something like this will happen...

Team lead to members: hey, we've got this new project to be built upon using "____" technology using "____" language etc.,

Members to team lead: what? we have not even heard of that. we know even you do not know about this. then? (enna sinna pulla thanama irukku?)

Lead to APM: we cant do this (stating the reasons)

APM to PM: we have only limited resources with very little exposure to do this.

PM to Senior Manager: We have resources with sufficient exposure. If we could train them well, no wonder why we can't successfully execute this project!!

Senior Manager to Director (or whoever his boss is): We've got excelleng trainers in this technology that if we could dedicate them for this project for a month or two, we can win more such projects in the future by way of successfully executing this.

Boss to Clients: We've been pioneering this technology with great success. We assure you we can develop this applicatin for you very easily... bla... bla... bla...

After all, its all money that matters.
Something like this is definitely happening somewhere or the other. Well, someone's gotta do something about this somewhere a.l.a NHRC in Kaakha Kaakha.

Eventually, its the programmers headache. Slugging it out during the day time with special trainers hired for this crap and working late hours to finish ahead of the delivery date alongside the funny team meetings, fights with onsite etc., It has become the order of life in IT. Indeed, "Vaazhkaiye alai pole... naamellam Java/Cobol melae"

Saasthri-graphy

Its been an eventful one year since completing college. So many changes in every aspect of life. Something I feel that has changed dramatically - the way festivals are celebrated. Everything is customized to suit one's needs and the person who thrives these times is "Mr. Saasthrigal".

With the start-up Saasthrigals driving with Rayban "on" in a Splendor or a Victor and the big budget double-decker saasthris driving an Ikon or a Sumo, these guys rule the roost on days like Aavani Avittam, Vinayaka Chaturthi and Varalakshmi Viratham. They have their own templates and settings. Of course, "Kalyanam" means "Kaattula Mazhai"...

Now, take Aavani Avittam as an example.

Those days (atleast till 2002 since my birth):
People gather at a common place, usually a temple or a Mut or even houses of their neighbours. One "Master" Saasthrigal (anga avar than Arch Bishop of Canterbury range-la proceedings conduct pannuvar) performs the "Maha Sangalpam". Chanting of the mantras and the abishekam (if in a temple) makes the day.

Post 2002:
Its been the introduction of amendments and clauses to the way things are to be performed. Yes, customizing as we say. If you ask for permission to come late on Aavani Avittam, your boss says, "Hey, what for?!? cassettes are available. Buy one, finish things off and come on time!"

Saasthris do give a handout of the mantras to be chanted on Aavani Avittam - documentation we say in IT - with apt publicity, amendments, acceptable criteria and clauses that are acceptable incase of violations of anything. This year, Varalakshmi Viratham and Aavani Aavittam fell on the same day. I shocked with something our family Saasthri told us; "Varalakshmi viratham can be performed on the previous friday ALSO". Looks like they have convened a meeting of all Saasthris and decided upon this (naatla ivanunga thaan association form pannama irunthaanga-nu nenaichen... remba thappu). There was a "Kurippu" in the handout we were given about this one. My parents and I couldn't help laughing out at the dubious stuff thats happening.

No prizes for guessing the reason for the emergency meeting and the resultant contingency plan... "DOUBLE DHATCHANAI". If you could have these two festivals on two different days, solid 200 (rate correct-a?) bucks man!! We would chat endlessly on things like this in office and end up laughing. What else can we do?!? Everyone of us are at the receiving end. Who is to blame? Whatever be the case, these things go unnoticed. We are in the IT era. No leave. So no other go... :-)

Saasthrigal kaattula eppovume mazhai thaan... All that we can do is drench ourselves and sing in that rain and swooying in that rain!!

P.S: Varalakshmi Viratham in my home was observed on the day it was supposed to be.

cRICKet

The new rules in ODI cricket. Does it augur well for the game of cricket? Well, a YES and a NO. This is "fast-food kaalam" - famous words in Tamil, now a cliche. Thats basically the reason for the introduction of these rules, the same reason why Twenty 20 evolved in England - a tonic for lack of patience. Infact it has revived interest in cricket in England, The Home of Cricket. Sounds funny isnt it?

People don't have the patience anymore to sit and watch a 50 over game. You come back from office, watch a game of Twenty 20 for 150 minutes... boy! that makes your day! No wonder twenty 20 games provide awsome entertainment. A lot is at stake - Funky team names, Free hits off the next ball after a no-ball, live chats with players during the game, of course high voltage cricketing action, not to forget the mascot race during the lunch break in the final with very good commentary. Ooh, what else can you ask for in a span of three hours?

Its with the same aim that ODI rules are being tampered with - just to make the game more lively and pulsating. Because, its only the first 15 overs and the last 10 overs that are being eagerly watched. The introduction of Powerplay is aimed around this area. The fielding captain definitely has more options although nothing much can be done if the batsmen run berserk!! The super sub rule is crap. It gives undue advantage/disadvantage to teams based upon toss! Already the toss swings the game heavily in a side's favour, leave alone the days of rain, this one is just to add misery.

The numerous clauses to these two rules at the end will make the cricket rules books bulky and the umpire's life more difficult apart from taking the charm away from the game. Who knows? There may be a super sub rule for the umpires as well in the days to come to overcome confusion over rules!!